So Close (translation)

Tan Cerca
translated by Kuervo

so close, yet so far
like a branch that seems to be within reach
but then i jump and i can barely touch it with my fingertips
sometimes i slip
and i start to think, first on having had jumped higher
then in having had tried a different branch
the last thought in my head is to realize that i could fall
until i’m falling

maybe that’s why when i break my body i end up the way i am now
i don’t know how to stop
i don’t know how to control my passion
my daring nature
my stupidity
that wild part of me
so genuine

why didn’t i think about going back the same way i got up?
or why didn’t i think about finding a safer way to get down?
i wanted to feel that strength
i wanted to feel my body
i wanted to feel my muscles on fire and the sea’s breezy reward

[so I jumped]

I landed on that foot first
and i felt it…
…twisting,
…crushing,
i felt the bones bend
and then explode. one, two, three…
to remember my stupidity thrice
and my lack of caution
that so many times has left me broken
that’s how i’m feeling now
having loved without holding back
having loved without caution
re-telling all of it, sitting here
broken

an alternative? for me? there isn’t one
i am who i am
i love who i am
and wouldn’t trade it for the world
even if it hurts me
and even if it breaks me

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