snake

I’m driving back
It’s dark and raining and
the droplets aren’t fusing together
they aren’t running down the cold glass
they’re impervious to wind

darkness falls
like a thick gray goo covering the whole glass
i’m sleepy…
and i wake up in my bed

the warmth of the vicuña cover
is almost enough
if i contort inside its confines
like a lamentation
so that all of me fits in

darkness drips down
rapping on the hood of the car…

i feel like a mummy
laying down on my back
yet protecting my heart
i know not what is happening
but i’m afraid i’ll wake up and the lighter the tint in the sky,
the greater my panic
i cover my face with the llama cover
soft and pliable, it isn’t
but it’s perfect for a shell

the encasing is complete
my eyes close, heavy
but then voices keep me awake
for a moment i think it’s my father moaning out of another nightmare
he’ll soon be awake
but my father it isn’t
these moans belong to me

my shell becomes uncomfortable
but my hand can’t shape it
my hand
hurts
i open my eyes from pain
peeling my eyes like syrup on bark
it’s the hood of a car
but it isn’t my car

where am i?

there is metallic sound everywhere
i’m confused
and my awareness as heavy my eyes like syrup

everything
is heavy

some light begins to filter through
the newspaper-covered windows

white

is the inside of the car
the seats have been stripped
it’s but a skeleton
…hanging

that awful metal sound was the jarring of a many chains
replying to the slow chatter of my bones

every breath i take
i fin myself in the initial position
and have to fight to reach
again
and again
putting all my might into keeping my eyes open

i reach

i’ve reached something

my keys
no

someone’s keys
a large keychain
my name is written on a red tag
why?

the car makes a sound like a hum
the motor had been on
and i just turned it off

the car is still hanging

i grip my eyes
and grip the keys twice as hard

take a breath so deep i’m almost swallowing my tongue
turn my head to the left and open my eyes — a handle
the door handle
i conjure up all the will of the world
and reach for the handle

even my sweat feels like syrup
my the warmth of my body coming alive melts it into a light sap
the smell of it triggers a false sense of safety as the door swings open and my arm falls out of it

the air reeks
and my eyes…
…am i drunk?
what happened last night?

is it still night?

after a few breaths i feel like i’m waking up
and leave the truck with ease
it was
a hanging white hummer inside a warehouse

i’m still dazed

the smell of the truck comes back
i blink
and am back reaching for the handle
(WHERE ARE THE KEYS?!?! — ah! there they are….)
i repeat the same sequence, this time breathing so deeply my eyes feel like they’re going to pop out

i can almost walk

i hear birds, muffled behind wood and a cloud of dust and darkness
that must be the door

why am i walking so slow?
what happened last night?

i make my way to a couch
my eyes are stinging
there is another set of keys on that couch
and a few business cards
but i just want to get out

i hear voices
in a language i do not understand
but the voices somehow bring out in me
the kind of jarring terror that slices one’s sinews so swiftly we fezze in place
or rather
that we drop to the ground we’re standing on

did i pass out again?

my throat hurts
and the business cards are scattered all over the place now
my hands
are staind with a kind of grease i know not the origin of
it reeks
and the more i try to get it off, the more it sticks

why am i so dizzy?

i burn my breath and push my lungs to my wobbly legs to stand up
i head straight for what looks like the door and open it
something about it is already familiar

i’m outside

the light hurts my ears until i hear a noise and a voice from behind me
i shut the door as quietly as i can and make my way out of the driveway, turning left
why does this all look so familiar?
i take a few steps and have to stop to catch my balance

i blink

i’m back at the door, what the fuck?
i start walking and my legs feel like mud
i fall and close my eyes as i get closer to the ground but
i never did
or did I?

i’m back at the door… it figures
but now my legs won’t move
they feel… bound
as if a snake were wrapping itself around my knees
and my chest and arms
there’s one on my head now

no, wait
it’s IN my head

and it’s wrapping itself around my body FROM MY HEAD
and it’s TALKING TO ME
in a language i do not understand

i can’t breathe

i can’t…

…be here anymore

i panic…
bite down hard and taste blood
i’m awake this time
my limbs are asleep and yet they shake

but at least i’m not bound

snake green head

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