Yesterday

This morning I dreamed
that you were in a room with me,
but it was just the image of you I’ve kept
your silhouette,
filled with five years of us

you were mingling with the cult
following
like cult followers do
didn’t want to be near it

i reach into my pocket
paper?
i squeeze its texture, scoop it up,
in silence i can’t help but wonder
as i begin to unfold each corner

then the vibration of your voice i know so well tells me
you’re behind me before you even form a word
my name
but i refuse to turn

don’t want to look at you

but you don’t care
because you know me
and you know how to flirt with me
brushing your finger across my back
digging your nail on my shoulder the way your mouth used to

you want me to turn around
but you know how stubborn i am

i run away from your finger
your words, still wet, pierce me
but i can’t fall again

i reach for the piece of paper

the cadence of your voice
makes the cursives dance on my palm
revisiting the roads your tongue traveled
your breath grows warmer on my neck…
…and i can’t take it,
i have to run
somewhere i can forget that note was yours

and even though you’re touching me
your image is still in the other room
and even though you sounded like you
i don’t hear your song
not even your words on paper telling me you wanted me back
and that you were single and the next move was mine
bold black on white doesn’t make gray

fuck it
everything inside gripping sanity
i turn around

everything…
is gone
at least you left your scent

yesterday i felt you calling me
and it made my voice tremble
i looked up and caught you looking straight into my eyes
and we couldn’t take it

and every time i see the worm i want to crush it
and every time i see that whore i want her fat face to burn
and you applaud the lies and poison
fed into the weak-minded zealots
but what’s worst about it all is
that you know that and yet you remain there
more than enough reason for me to never look back..

but you kept calling me
i could feel the mute dullness of death
breaking your insides
closing your eyes

“not gonna cry”

a breath
fills your voice with lies
holding everything inside
nothing has changed
and nobody can read your eyes like i used to

what do you want?
entering my mind
my dreams
my bed
moaning my name into your core

you know how to find me
what do you want?

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